Meet Charlotte Rowe - a bride-to-be, a wheelchair user, and a woman quietly taking on the entire wedding industry.
The Event Carer - in conversation - Part 1 of 2
Charlotte Rowe got engaged, started looking for a venue, and discovered something that genuinely surprised her: in 2026, in an industry worth billions, nobody had really thought about her.
So she started The Unseen Weddings — a project pushing for representation, accessibility and inclusion across the whole wedding world. She is doing it while planning her own wedding for spring 2028, which is rather like redesigning the road while you’re driving down it.
I wanted to talk to her properly. Not a polite overview — the actual nitty-gritty of what it’s like to plan a wedding as a disabled bride. What she’s found, what’s infuriated her, and what the industry could fix tomorrow if it wanted to.
Her answers are her own, unedited. My replies are in italics, because a few of them are things I’ve seen from the other side of the same problem.
Starting out - Firstly, a huge congratulations on your engagement.
Tell me about you and your Fiancé - how you met, and what you’re planning. Where are you in the process?
My fiancé and I met through a mutual friend a long time ago and we’re planning to get married in spring 2028. We haven’t booked anything yet, and we’re currently starting to look at accessible venues. We’re not 100% sure what we’re going to choose yet, so we’re taking our time to find somewhere that works for us.
When you got engaged, what did you imagine the planning would be like? Where has the reality differed?
When we got engaged, we didn’t imagine that planning our wedding would be any different. We thought the wedding industry would have come further than it has.
I was really disappointed when I started seeing the lack of representation, accessibility and inclusion for disabled people within the wedding industry. I hadn’t expected accessibility to become such a major part of our wedding planning.
Carolyn: This is something I have experienced on behalf of some of the guests I support. Even though we would have discussed accessibility prior to the day, staff are not always totally understanding of the concept — though I have found that staff are keen to chat.
Was there a moment where it first hit you that this was going to be harder than it should be?
Going to wedding fairs and realizing there was no one who looked like me, and very little representation of disabled people, was one of the moments it really hit me. Then, when I started asking venues about accessibility, I was often met with a confused look or uncertainty about what they actually had to offer. That made me realise how much work there still is to do.
Carolyn: Some wedding fair organisers don’t appear to be coordinated or set out to appeal to those with disabilities, so I can see that gives an impression of where the industry is at this moment. Sometimes aisles are too narrow, disabled facilities blocked, signage unclear. For venues in historic sites this can be especially challenging — but if accessibility issues are broken down and really explored, most can be adapted and accommodated. It’s those venues reaching out with honest transparency, openly engaged in the conversation about what they can do, that make the difference.
The Venue Search
How many venues did you look at, and how did you approach it? Did you ask about access upfront or wait until viewing?
We’ve looked at hundreds of venues across different wedding apps and directories. A lot of them allow you to filter venues by accessibility, but that immediately raises the question: what does “accessible” actually mean? What parts of the venue can I actually access? Can I get from one area to another? Can I access the ceremony, reception, toilets and accommodation? Can I use the facilities in the same way as everyone else? It’s made me realise that simply having an “accessible” filter doesn’t tell disabled couples enough.
Carolyn: It’s important to be aware that accessible toilet facilities range from standard enlarged cubicles with grab rails to fully equipped Changing Places toilets with hoists and height-adjustable benches — Building Regulations Approved Document M and BS 8300-2:2018 set that out. It really is useful for venues to put themselves in the position of the bride and physically transition through the process, to see how effective their space is.
What’s the most common response when you raise accessibility? Is there a phrase you’ve heard too many times?
“We’re fully accessible.”
I’ve heard that and then arrived to find that it isn’t actually the case. Sometimes accessibility seems to become a tick-box exercise, such as having one accessible bedroom that isn’t properly maintained or isn’t actually fit for purpose.
Being able to access one part of a venue doesn’t mean the whole venue is accessible. I need to be able to participate in the whole experience, not just get through the front door.
Carolyn: I’m so sorry to hear this.
What has a good venue done? A specific example would be wonderful - someone who got it right.
Moor Hall Hotel and Spa is a good example, along with some of the other venues I’ve spoken to recently.
What I really appreciate is when a venue comes to me and says, “We want to do better. This is what we currently have — what can we do?”
They’re not claiming to be perfect. They’re willing to listen, learn and make changes, and that’s exactly the kind of attitude I want to see more of in the industry.
Carolyn: This is the bit I’d underline for every venue reading. Nobody is asking you to be perfect. “What can we do?” or “what do you need?”, is a better answer than “we’re fully accessible” every single time.
What do venues consistently miss? The things they genuinely don’t think of.
I think one of the biggest things is assuming accessibility means a ramp. They don’t always think about different access needs, such as people who are visually impaired or hard of hearing. Technology can also be very outdated. For example, a venue might have a hearing loop, but technology and hearing aids have developed significantly, so that isn’t necessarily going to meet everyone’s needs.
There’s also often a lack of understanding around neurodiversity and the importance of things like quiet spaces.
Staff training is another big one. Having accessible facilities is one thing, but staff need to understand disability and how to support people appropriately.
Carolyn: You raise two very important areas. The first is the IT filtering algorithms and the number of detailed parameters in place — these filters may not be able to cope with the variations required, and the people who write and programme them could need additional understanding and education to offer a filter that is fit for purpose rather than one that is too generic. I have got to hold my hands up and say I know nothing about how these things are put together so I have no insight here but it may be that a specific call back can be arranged for any enquiry that has selected “accessible facilities”, to discuss specifics rather than relying on an unsatisfactory filter. This can also help to begin a professional relationship.
The second is staff education and understanding, so that teams can be confident and competent at delivering the high levels of service they usually give, to their disabled couples and guests as well.
Has anything on a viewing made you rule a place out on the spot?
Absolutely. Things like large amounts of gravel can immediately make a venue inaccessible for me as a wheelchair user.
I’ve also come across staff who haven’t been trained on how to assist someone with a disability, which highlights a wider lack of education and understanding.
Accessible rooms that aren’t properly maintained are another issue. And sometimes you can’t actually access facilities that should be part of the wedding experience, such as bridal facilities or the honeymoon suite.
For me, if I can’t access the whole experience, that can immediately rule a venue out.
Carolyn: I totally get what you mean. It is truly gruelling to navigate a wheelchair or wheeled walker over certain surfaces with ease and dignity — wheels sink into gravel and it becomes a task of trying to cross an area filled
with thick, lumpy porridge.
From the other side of the door: what happened at one wedding I worked - I want to put this here, because it shows exactly what Charlotte means about the gap between “accessible” and actually usable.
I was supporting a guest at a wedding who used a wheelchair. When we got to the accessible toilet, the door didn’t lock — it had a code, but anyone who wanted access could enter the code and come in. The room wasn’t large enough to realistically let me support her as I would wish. The wheelchair needed to be pushed as close to the toilet as possible to keep the transfer small, because they couldn’t weight bear for long. There was a rail that could be lowered to support them, but not enough room for me to get around the wheelchair to assist easily. I had to fold the wheelchair and wedge it against the closed door while I supported them. There wasn’t enough room to turn the chair to the sink for hand hygiene, and the soap dispenser was placed at a height and distance that someone in a wheelchair simply could not reach. After the wedding I contacted the venue to offer feedback. They immediately said they would investigate the points I raised — and mentioned that, if I had let them know, there was an alternative larger facility available. I pointed out that I had been in touch about the service I was providing for the guest. Their staff had also supported me in delivering it on the day. Nobody mentioned the other facility. That is the whole problem in one afternoon. The facility existed. The information didn’t travel.
“The best inclusion starts before someone even arrives.”
Coming up in part two
Dress shopping that doesn’t fit the chair. Photographers who edit out mobility aids. The emotional cost of advocating for yourself at your own wedding. The one line Charlotte would put on the wall of every venue in the country — and the brilliantly simple question every couple should add to their RSVPs.
Find Charlotte at The Unseen Weddings. And if you are a venue or supplier reading this and thinking “what can we do?” - that is exactly the right question. Do get in touch with either of us.
Carolyn
Founder, The Event Carer, Adult Registered Nurse, eventcarer.com
